Patients

Alive

I am still
Alive.
I plan to be
For at least
A few more years.

My New Perspective: The Most Valuable Resource

Minutes. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. These are some of the measurements we use to explain the passing of time. 36 days. That’s how long it was from the first biopsy to my diagnosis of cancer. 1 week and 2 days. That’s how long from the time of diagnosis until I was seen by Oncology.

Tattoos and Tumors

I wear a frog on my left arm. It’s a tattoo, a little friend formed one day in the Mojave desert, poke by poke, the small dots of ink lodging in my skin permanently.

Trusting the Unpredictable

I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my body. For years, I’ve tried to lose weight and tried all sorts of methods, but the stubborn extra pounds just refuse to shed. To maintain an acceptable baseline body shape, I used to spend two hours on rigorous exercises each day and be super careful with my eating.

Everyone Deserves to Date

One of the things they don’t tell you about when you’re single and have a cancer diagnosis is that it can be very difficult to date. This seems to be a sentiment shared among the AYA (adolescent and young adult) cancer community.

Can You Hear Me? Do You See Me?

I will not leave my bed this morning. Unshowered and in my PJs, I lay. My body is too heavy—laden with pain and sorrow. These later years are so different in my cancer journey than my earlier years. My cancer stayed, but in 15 years, the support has faded.

Cancer’s Crash Course in Relationships…

Cancer is a disease caused by the uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body. It has uncontrollably killed my relationships and then has divided my surviving relationships into abnormal categories. These categories are: cancer is slowly killing us, cancer made us stronger, and cancer left us somewhere in the middle. Cancer has impacted my friendships, and I haven’t found a treatment that works yet.

Silver Linings

When you think of your life and how it’s supposed to go, cancer never enters the picture. But when it does, everything stops, at least temporarily. While you try to wrap your mind around the thought that this disease just might kill you.

To All of the People I’ve Been Before

To little me:

You’re going to do big things. I love you and all that you grow up to be.

Dear Future Cancer Patient

You may be thinking that this letter made its way to you late. I assure you it didn’t. What good would have been accomplished if I had warned you of the tragedy to befall you? Would you have wanted all of your present moments to be tainted with the anxiety of the arduous journey ahead? Worry will cost you twice if you let it, once in the present and again in the future.