Patients

Comfortably Coping

When I think of Cancer, I think of survival. I’m not talking survival rates. No one wants to hear about that. I’m talking about pure daily survival. The everyday waking up and doing life tasks. I’ve learned that there is not a single thing that helps me through the daily monotony of living with Cancer. It’s more of a concoction; a little bit of this, a dab of that.

Coping with Cancer and Isolation

Amidst the coloring books, fluffy blankets, and influx of letters that people provide to support you while facing cancer, it can still be incredibly isolating. While they’re incredibly kind and thoughtful, they do not possess the power to make you feel any less alone. You can be surrounded by a community of people who love and support you and still feel isolated.

Year Three: Mentally I’m… I Don’t Know

Who could ever forget 2020? Certainly not me. It will go down in history as a catastrophic year full of loss, grief, anguish, and unpredictability. If it wasn’t you yourself, you knew someone directly affected by the COVID-19 fallout: illness, job loss, struggling to stay afloat, etc. 2020 was an inescapable year. And I was no different…but for a different reason.

Storm of Words

Woody Guthrie cried out
into the rising dust,
singing,
“I’ve heard a storm
of words in me” ––
A storm of words…

Actions Are Greater Than Words

It warms my heart when I hear people call me “Brave” or “ Strong.” However, I don’t feel brave or strong…at all. I feel weak and broken. I feel like a rug was pulled from underneath me. I feel like a beginner magic act where the magician removes the tablecloth from under the dishes, and instead of standing up straight like it’s supposed to, they all fall down and break into pieces.

Dear Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patient

Dear Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patient,

First off, I am sorry you are here needing this, but I want you to know you are not alone, although it may feel that way. You probably think your life has stopped, but it’s just been rerouted. Life goes on for everyone else even if you feel yours isn’t.

The Myriad of Platitudes

I was watching TV when a commercial came on for one of those “Exposed to [THING]? Money has been set aside for victims of [whatever cancer]! CALL US TODAY!”—then the commercial proceeded to show images of gray-haired old men and just talked about how being exposed to whatever might cause cancer.

Is This Mic On? Testing…123…Testing…

What we say to each other matters. Most of us know that but often speak before thinking. I know I have and will; I am human and make mistakes. I try to ensure my language is helpful, supportive, and sassy. I have learned that disclosing your cancer diagnosis invites people to share unsolicited thoughts, cancer stories, medical advice, opinions on your lifestyle, and so much more.

Reality of Breast Cancer

Cancer comes with a mixed bag of emotions. I started out with denial, so part of that was the absence of language. I didn’t say that I had “breast cancer” and I barely reference it by name. I will say “my diagnosis” or “this situation” or “what I’m going through.” I don’t acknowledge its presence in my life because I don’t want it to define me or become too much a part of my life. Although it is. 

The Things You Said, the Things I Heard

The things you said versus what I heard… these are words that we hear and the way they warmed.

“I am happy to drive you”

Thank you for not only offering something specific but attaching emotion to this offer. Thank you for knowing that driving is not my favorite thing; my car is not reliable and driving can be exhausting.