Patients

I Captured the Flag, Now What?

I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment I went from “cancer patient” to “cancer survivor.” It’d be nice to post an annual ribbon on Facebook with a triumphant, inspirational message. After all, survivors are done with all the yucky parts of cancer, right? Survivorship is the ultimate “good vibes only” party and I’d like to know when I was invited.

Loneliness and Isolation

The worst part of the Cancer journey is not all the side effects of treatment and pain from procedures and surgeries, it’s the isolation that is sometimes necessary and the loneliness that comes from no one truly understanding how it feels.

Infertility Chose Me

I didn’t choose not to have children; my body decided for me. My heart and brain were left out of the decision. More than a decade later, this is my first time writing about this. My heart still hurts, and tears roll down my cheeks as I type this.

Dear Cancer, You Weren’t Invited

Dear Cancer,

You came into my life abruptly and invaded my body. The moment I heard your name you terrorized my soul until it was dust in the wind. You are soul-crushing. Every cancer patient would agree that we wish we would have never met you. But here we are. You make the strongest souls weak.

Dear Cancer, I Hear You

Dear Cancer,

Thank you.

Thank you for reminding me of what matters in life. I used to wonder why you chose me; why at 33 years old you found me. Now, I get it.

2022 was the hardest year of my life. I was feeling burnt out at work and was dreaming about striking out on my own.

Cancer Is About to Be KO’d

Hello Cancer,

I see you tried to knock me out, but sorry, I’ve got too much to live for! My kids and my wife support me so much that you don’t stand a chance inside me. I’m a huge Rocky fan, which motivates me to fight you harder, and I tell myself each and every day to keep punching.

Dear Cancer, Why am I Still Here?

Dear Cancer,

You thought you were going to take me out, but I am still here. Twelve years ago, when the doctors finally found you, I will admit you did have me there for a second (insert nervous laugh). The doctors were perplexed—they were not sure what they were looking for, and it took a painful six months to even get diagnosed. The doctor said, “You have Multiple Myeloma at 29 years old.”

How It Feels to Be an AYA

Being an AYA is a unique experience—especially when you have a rare cancer like me. AYA cancer is rare, and then I have a rare cancer on top of that. How do I hate thee cancer? Let me count the ways.

Wait, I can’t quote/butcher Shakespeare like that. I don’t want my high school English teacher to come hunt me down (Mr. S was a big guy!), so let me use something not cribbed from the most quoted author in the English language.

Treat Us Gently

I wish people knew that once cancer has attacked your body and the treatment ravages your immune system, there is no going back to before, nor do you never think about the cancer again—if it goes into remission.

Every year when flu seasons are at their highest, it’s more significant because now the flu isn’t just time off from other people and life’s routine—the flu could now seriously deplete your body for several more days and weeks. Preventative health is a giant measure in seasons of communal illness. Especially now that flu seasons have doubled up with pandemic precautions since 2020.

Finding Friends Who Understand

When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t want cancer friends. At the time I was still processing my diagnosis and trying to wrap my head around the fact that in a few weeks, I would be having awake brain surgery, chemo, and radiation. My brain tumor was an incidental find from a car accident, meaning I didn’t feel sick at all.