Survivorship

Stuck in the In-Between

I’ve always been fascinated by those stories of people going through “near death experiences,” like when someone gets struck by lightning or nearly steps out in front of a car. That may sound slightly morbid, but it’s more about the life changing catalyst that these events seem to bring about. The survivors appear to have a whole new vigor for existing. They feel more alive than ever… so why don’t I?

Genito-What? Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause Part I

Quick question for all my vulva and vagina-owning peeps out there: Has your cancer care team ever asked about bothersome genital symptoms like dryness, irritation, itching, or pain?

Even though genital symptoms like these can occur with several different cancer treatments and are common in AYAs, healthcare professionals don’t do a great job of regularly assessing vulvovaginal health at follow-up appointments (1). Lots of young survivors begin to develop these issues in survivorship without realizing that it could be a side effect of their treatments! The good news is that there are effective management options to help relieve symptoms and prevent them from worsening over time.

I’m Just Happy to Be Here

Two years after sitting in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism, three years removed from almost dying postpartum, my daughters had me tackled on the playground in a tickle fight and I looked to sky, laughing, just grateful to be alive in this moment.

The Power of Your Herd

Unlike the year prior, this would be the year my son and I would attend our Bible study group hand in hand, together. The year before, my Hodgkin’s lymphoma didn’t completely respond to treatment, and I found myself welcoming further treatment options. This was a huge milestone in my journey—I was no longer in treatment, and I didn’t have to live in my stem cell transplant bubble. My son was going to his Bible study group, and I was going to my group.

Life or Something Like It

Navigating my adult life, I did everything right. I went to school for a long time. I got a doctorate, bought a house on my own, had a thriving professional career, a relationship, friends, and thoroughly enjoyed life. I was a planner, had my future mapped out, and always kept in the back of my mind the idea that I had so much time to complete the things I wanted to do.

Mosaic: Finding New Identity and Purpose After Cancer

Fresh, unaltered
Clay still under my nails
A new vessel
Created by my hands

Parts of Me

Rediscovering myself after cancer. That is a phrase I never thought I would have to use. Some days it’s still hard for me to wrap my brain around my diagnosis. Other days, it seems too real and it’s scary to think about. I could never say there is a “positive side to cancer” (because there is not), but cancer has taught me invaluable things about myself.

My Body is a Jerk

My body is a jerk. A common refrain of mine and an easy short-hand to answer why something happened. Why do you have to go to the bathroom so often, Dil? My body is a jerk. Why did your spine get compression fractures? Because my body is a jerk. Why are you still testing positive for COVID-19 six months after you got over it and have no symptoms? Because my body is a big, fat jerk.

Different Body

Endured, tolerated, persisted, resisted; these are some verbs that come to mind when I think of my body. A different kind of body that was brought into the night side of life. A stressed body condemned to immobility. As a childhood cancer survivor, it is hard to remember specifically what I felt when I was diagnosed or going through treatment, but if I study my scars and listen to my body, I can discover a once-devastated geography.

Not Always A Cinderella Story

I remember walking into the waiting room at the Allan Blair Cancer Center and seeing a few older couples in the waiting room. I also saw a younger couple around my age sitting beside each other; the girl was filling out the paperwork while the boy looked at her with concern.