Cancer

My First Day of Forever

After weeks of anxiously waiting, it was finally here, my first day.

Not my first day of school.
Not my first day at a new job.
Not my first day moving into a new house.
This was my first day of chemotherapy.

I Wish I Knew

I wish I knew how scared other people would be, as if they could catch death just by being near me.
I wish I knew how many people would slowly fade away from me.
I wish I knew how incredibly hard it is to tell people how scared you are.

Scars and Souvenirs

“Your MRI result came back and it looks beautiful. We won’t know for sure until after surgery, but it appears you had a complete response to the chemotherapy.” As I heard my oncologist say these words, I could feel my heart start to beat a little faster, almost as if perking up at the idea of truly living again. Sure, I still had a lumpectomy, 20 rounds of radiation, and the rest of my immunotherapy to endure. But the cancer was gone and the worst part was over. I could breathe a sigh of relief as my life was finally mine again. Right?

Mama Has Cancer

My mama has cancer
She explained it to me:
There is a tiny germ in her
That we just can not see

What Was I Thinking?!

It had been a long, hot day, and my best friend offered to make me a bath. This was a simple yes or no question, but not for me. I paused for a few minutes to ponder her offer. I have factors to consider; I have chronic T-cell large lymphocyte leukemia. This past year, I have also taken on a mystery disease for fun, which has all the symptoms of chronic heart failure, but my heart is healthy.

Things I Wish I Knew

I started doing self breast exams after reading a Glamour or Cosmopolitan magazine when I was in my late teens. The first of every month the magazine informed. November 1st, 2021, I found a lump in my left breast. One I thought I’d never find but one I was preparing to find.

Welcome to the Worst Club Ever

Long before the cancer tried to kill me, being blunt and upfront has always kind of been my thing. Having been raised by Irish parents who always taught me to be honest and to stick up for myself, this really comes as no surprise. So that’s how my attempted advice to welcome you into the Wort Club Ever may come across in the next few minutes, but I promise it’s all from experience and said with tons of love.

Welcome to the Arena

Welcome to the arena. The cancer arena that feels like you are the only one on this battlefield. Especially since you are the young one with cancer. The arena stands are full of people you know and love.

Beyond Expectations: Gratitude for Those Who Kept Showing Up

As a military spouse, making and keeping friendships is often challenging. The constant moves and short time in any one location often make it hard to make and maintain friendships while moving from base to base. In January 2018, my husband received orders from the Army, notifying us that he’d been reassigned to work in Manhattan, New York.

Changing The Conversation From Survivorship To Thrivership

I was so excited on my last day of chemo. I made a big glittery sign, brought cupcakes for the staff, and posted about how I beat cancer on social media. I planned an “apres-cancer” trip to Europe to celebrate and, other than waiting for my hair to grow back and my nipples to be tattooed on, I pretty much thought I was DONE with cancer.