Cancer

Infertility Chose Me

I didn’t choose not to have children; my body decided for me. My heart and brain were left out of the decision. More than a decade later, this is my first time writing about this. My heart still hurts, and tears roll down my cheeks as I type this.

The Invisible Battle

It all started when I was diagnosed with Graves disease and thyroid nodules in the summer of 2020. I was told I was a complex case but my endocrinologist never said the word cancer to me, so it never even crossed my mind. Being 33 years old and diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer is never something I could have imagined. 

Dear Cancer, It’s Time to Break Up

Dear Cancer,

When you first entered my life, I greeted you with my fists up, ready to fight. You were scary… but I knew giving up was scarier. You never failed to remind me day after day that you were there. You whispered in my ear, “Time is running out. Just give up. You’re never getting out of here alive.”

Dear Cancer, I Knew That Something Was Lurking

Dear Cancer,

I’m not really sure how to address you. You’re kind of like that mean girl who bullies just because she can or the mysterious stranger in the corner of the room—the kind that people are interested in but don’t want anything to do with.

Dude, Where’s My Erection? (Part II)

Welcome to Part II of a three-part conversation exploring the cancer and erection connection (turns out, there was so much good stuff to share that I had to extend the series!). As we dug into the nitty gritty of what erections actually are and how they work back in Part I, it became clear that there are several steps in the process that are vulnerable to the impacts of cancer and its treatments. Next on the agenda is what to do about it!

Dear Cancer, You Weren’t Invited

Dear Cancer,

You came into my life abruptly and invaded my body. The moment I heard your name you terrorized my soul until it was dust in the wind. You are soul-crushing. Every cancer patient would agree that we wish we would have never met you. But here we are. You make the strongest souls weak.

Dear Cancer, You Tried to Take My Life Away Twice

Dear Cancer,

On Feb 26, 2023, you surprised me when I was referred to a blood specialist. My blood count showed I was anemic and the numbers got very high. My doctors could not figure out why I was anemic or why my abdominal area felt hard around my belly.

Dear Cancer, Thank You, But Never Come Back

Dear Cancer,

It’s been nearly a year since you were evicted. I don’t miss you. But that doesn’t mean I’m grateful for this experience with you. So I wanted to write a letter to tell you my feelings. While you stayed silent, I still have my voice, both literally and figuratively. I won’t let you just leave without my feelings being known.

Dear Cancer, You Are Now My Chronic Illness

Dear Cancer,

You have changed my life in ways you will never know. It was the beginning of January 2020 when we first officially met. It was a cool and cloudy day. I was sitting in bed watching HGTV when I received the call. I was 30. I had all of these plans and adventures I was going to conquer next, but this is far from what I had in mind. No one could have prepared me for this “adventure”—this diagnosis, my dad unexpectedly passing away, and the start of the pandemic all within months of one another.

Dear Cancer, You Were So Far Off My Radar

Dear Cancer,

You were so far off my radar that when you showed up I dismissed you as commonplace things. I was young and the fittest I had been in a long time. You first arrived as bruises on my shins in November 2020. I was getting back into rock climbing and of course, I had bruises. Soon it became comical how bruised I was. I shared you with friends and family. Look at this, I am so clumsy.

“Maybe you’re low on iron. Eat a steak and some spinach.”