Cancer

a sacred place

my body does not feel like a temple.
the goddess it once served has retreated.

Fear

My body tenses with anxiety. A sharp pinch in my right breast sparks immediate panic. What is that? I wait, analyzing its intensity, and once the feeling subsides, I am left with an agonizing thought. What if my cancer has returned?

The Invisible Scars

Six months has passed since my cancer diagnosis, and life seems to be back to normal, without a trace of illness or tiredness. In fact, many of my colleagues never found out why I was on sick extended leave, nor would they ever imagine cancer as a possibility knowing how full of energy and liveliness I always am.

Stuck in the In-Between

I’ve always been fascinated by those stories of people going through “near death experiences,” like when someone gets struck by lightning or nearly steps out in front of a car. That may sound slightly morbid, but it’s more about the life changing catalyst that these events seem to bring about. The survivors appear to have a whole new vigor for existing. They feel more alive than ever… so why don’t I?

Genito-What? Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause Part I

Quick question for all my vulva and vagina-owning peeps out there: Has your cancer care team ever asked about bothersome genital symptoms like dryness, irritation, itching, or pain?

Even though genital symptoms like these can occur with several different cancer treatments and are common in AYAs, healthcare professionals don’t do a great job of regularly assessing vulvovaginal health at follow-up appointments (1). Lots of young survivors begin to develop these issues in survivorship without realizing that it could be a side effect of their treatments! The good news is that there are effective management options to help relieve symptoms and prevent them from worsening over time.

I’m Just Happy to Be Here

Two years after sitting in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism, three years removed from almost dying postpartum, my daughters had me tackled on the playground in a tickle fight and I looked to sky, laughing, just grateful to be alive in this moment.

The Power of Your Herd

Unlike the year prior, this would be the year my son and I would attend our Bible study group hand in hand, together. The year before, my Hodgkin’s lymphoma didn’t completely respond to treatment, and I found myself welcoming further treatment options. This was a huge milestone in my journey—I was no longer in treatment, and I didn’t have to live in my stem cell transplant bubble. My son was going to his Bible study group, and I was going to my group.

Life or Something Like It

Navigating my adult life, I did everything right. I went to school for a long time. I got a doctorate, bought a house on my own, had a thriving professional career, a relationship, friends, and thoroughly enjoyed life. I was a planner, had my future mapped out, and always kept in the back of my mind the idea that I had so much time to complete the things I wanted to do.

The New Normal of Moving Forward

As I sat on my couch during a surprisingly warm April afternoon, I awaited the news my family had been dreading for weeks. I sat there watching YouTube videos on my phone while my thoughts wandered aimlessly. What if she did have it?

Mosaic: Finding New Identity and Purpose After Cancer

Fresh, unaltered
Clay still under my nails
A new vessel
Created by my hands