AYA Cancer

How Cancer Changed My Perception of Masculinity

In a small white room outside of Rome, Italy, with nothing on the walls but a haunting crucifix, I was told: “Hai la leukemia linfoblastica acuta.” You have acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

Alone in a foreign country, I immediately sensed how helpless I was. I needed to get home, and fast. I needed my friend to immediately scratch all her plans and take the train with me from Rome to Milan to grab my essential belongings.

Caring for My Dad as a Nurse Practitioner

I have taken care of so many people throughout the years and cared about each of them in some way. Many made their way into my heart, some in unexpected ways. It all changed me. It used to make me sad and drain me and leave me without energy for myself and my family.

The Interlude of Cancer

Breast cancer is unexpected.

Breast cancer is life-changing.

You cannot prepare yourself for what a cancer diagnosis will feel like and what cancer treatment will be like. You may have stood by the side of a family member or a friend as they navigated their own breast cancer journey. You may have participated in fundraising efforts and walked in a sea of women awash with pink to support breast cancer awareness and research efforts.

I Am Not a Bridge

“You need to do something about this.”

My sister said to me in the midst of her cervical cancer chaos. This is when I learned that whole buildings on hospital campuses were devoted to caring for people with a cancer diagnosis. Frankly, I was a cancer muggle. My transition from cancer muggle to cancer caregiver was an abrupt unplanned crash course. Let me acknowledge that everything with cancer is abrupt and unplanned.

Roe v. Wade: A Call to Stand with Our Herd

By now many of you are aware of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and the amount of backlash from the cancer community.

The Steven G. Cancer Foundation and Elephants and Tea initially took to social media asking people to listen to the stories of those individuals impacted by Roe v. Wade.

Was that enough? No. Can we do more? Definitely.

My Work as a Death Doula

“Well, the results aren’t what we were hoping…” my doctor said, closing the door behind her. “But the good news is this usually responds really well to treatment, and you won’t have to do chemo.”

We talked for a while longer, and then she offered up, “I mean, I’ve seen people with thyroid cancer all over their body live another 20 years.”

I think it was meant to be soothing, but I couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t quite relevant to me. Not to mention, it contradicted her speculation just moments ago that my chance of recurrence after surgery would be very low.

My Path into the Cancer Field

I was seven years old the first time I told my mom I wanted to grow up to be a “talking doctor.” If that does not scream childhood cancer survivor, I am not sure what does. I grew up knowing that I wanted to help others like myself, who faced cancer head-on and made it out on the other side. My family helped to found the Armenian Bone Marrow Donor Registry because so many Armenians had registered to see if they were a match during my first diagnosis with AML.

A Season of Healing

They said it would get harder as I go, and it’s getting harder.

The side effects from my sixth chemo treatment were the worst I’ve had so far. The fatigue over the weekend was intense and left me feeling too weak to move. Talking and breathing were a big effort.

Instead of going away and leaving me with some light nausea into the week, the fatigue lightened but hasn’t lifted. It’s really hard to effectively explain the feeling of being so weak.

Embracing the Bittersweet

Life consists of moments: moments of joy, pain, wonder, and suffering. Life consists of moments: moments of growth and change, followed by periods of stability and stagnation. As a culture, we set our course trajectory at a young age through careful planning of momentous milestones. We dream about turning 16 and getting our first car, we dream about high school graduations, college life, finding love, starting a career, and a family. And I was no different; I had set my course at a young age and was focused on my path.

This is My Journey So Far

It’s been a long past two and a half years for me. The pandemic hit me hard. I lost my grandfather and grandmother due to COVID, lost my job, and had two minor surgeries on my uterus for fibroids one year apart. Just when I thought it was about to be a good year in 2022, February 23, 2022 is when it all started.