Dear Cancer

The Impossibilities of Life in the Mind of Someone Healthy

Dear Cancer, 

What do I want to say to you at our ten year anniversary? Like many patients, I still remember when we were introduced in 2014 like I had selective hyperthymesia for that day. At the time I received brain tumor diagnoses of grades I, II, III, and IV, with no member of my medical team able or willing to tell me anything about my prognosis.

Dear Cancer: The Chaotic Voyage

Dear cancer,

You made life messy. I expected it to be clean, linear, and perfect. But it’s none of these. Rarely does life sail along without at least a few waves crashing into my fragile vessel. Why do I expect perfection from a world that’s flawed?

Dear Cancer, I am Sick of You

Dear Cancer,

Here we go again, Cancer. To be honest, I am sick of talking about you. I am exhausted by my unwanted lifetime membership in the “Cancer Club.” Nearly six years into this, it feels like my whole life has been intertwined with your presence.

Dear Cancer, You Will Ruin My Life

Dear Cancer,

You will ruin my life. If I let you. But I choose not to give you that much power. You don’t deserve to take anything else from me. My life got turned upside-down, sideways, and every other direction a year and a half ago because of you. It’s like I’m still spinning out of control sometimes.

Dear Tammy (the Tumor)

Dear Tammy (the Tumor),

Hey, it’s me! It’s been a while, over 15 years. Can you believe it? How time flies! I understand you’re still dead and not to be a jerk, but I’m still really excited about that.

Anxiety, Depression, Suicide, Faith, Cancer, and Now?

Dear Cancer, 

I’m not sure if I should curse you or thank you for coming into my life. Looking back at the last two years since you made your presence known, you have done more good than bad. Yes, getting chemo sucks, but I got to see people’s true colors. Yes, it’s been sad and hard to go bald and through all the other chemo effects, but I was able to pull through.

Dear Cancer, Are We Friends or Foes?

Are you my friend, foe or imaginary friend?
The way this story starts doesn’t make sense with how it ends.
It seems like you only made yourself visible to me,
Through these waves of endless grief, what is it you want me to see?

An Open Letter to My Cancer, Dirty Gertie 

Dear Cancer (a.k.a. Dirty Gertie),

I hope this letter finds you unwell. More accurately, I assume—with fingers crossed—that this letter finds you dead and gone. Unfortunately, my total confidence in your demise has been restricted by a single, nagging whisper that constantly threatens: “What if it comes back?”

Dear Cancer, It’s Time to Break Up

Dear Cancer,

When you first entered my life, I greeted you with my fists up, ready to fight. You were scary… but I knew giving up was scarier. You never failed to remind me day after day that you were there. You whispered in my ear, “Time is running out. Just give up. You’re never getting out of here alive.”

Dear Cancer, I Knew That Something Was Lurking

Dear Cancer,

I’m not really sure how to address you. You’re kind of like that mean girl who bullies just because she can or the mysterious stranger in the corner of the room—the kind that people are interested in but don’t want anything to do with.