Dear Cancer, You Will Ruin My Life

Dear Cancer,

You will ruin my life. If I let you. But I choose not to give you that much power. You don’t deserve to take anything else from me. My life got turned upside-down, sideways, and every other direction a year and a half ago because of you. It’s like I’m still spinning out of control sometimes.

There’s so much that I want to do in my life and I may never get the chance because of you. I want to see my children get married and have babies. I want to grow old with my wonderful husband. I want to be able to just live and not think about you every single day for the rest of life. But alas, that is not possible because I will always be on treatment; I am living with Metastatic Breast Cancer. Those words shouldn’t be so easy to type.

At 40, I should have more than just a decade or two ahead of me. I realize that, yes, I got married later in life than the norm. I was 33 when I said my vows. But who thinks a cancer diagnosis would be in their future? Nobody. Or I certainly didn’t. But maybe we all should. Then we aren’t surprised by it. I wish I had all the time in the world to tell everybody I love just how special they are to me.

But wait, I do, if you flip to the other side of the coin and look at it from a different perspective. I’m not in danger of dying anytime soon. I have good health right now. I’m able to work with wonderful people whom I classify as friends if not family. My life is really good. I have the chance to live out my days as I choose. Not many people get that.

So let’s say that God allowed me to have this diagnosis. He is actually gifting me with the power to live my life more intentionally. Just think about how many people are killed instantly every day in car accidents or other accidents. They never get the chance to have this time. But I do.

Dear Cancer, you did not get to ruin my life. You could have. But I didn’t let you.