Cancer

Forty Thousand Feet

forty thousand feet.
a terrifying height.
at least it was,
it used to be.
every bump,
every shake would send me
over the edge.

Dear Cancer, Thank You for Teaching Me Patience

Dear Cancer,

I would often think of you before I knew you. When I was a child, I would think to myself, “I was one of six children. What are the odds that none of us got cancer?” As I got into my teenage years, the question then became “Which one of us?”

Dear Cancer, You Try to Take Away

Dear Cancer,

I have honestly feared you for as long as I can remember. A feeling of you meeting me along the way was consistently looming over me. So much so, that I can recall telling friends and family that I felt you would come for me, and I wondered if you already had.

Dear Cancer, You Took the Best Parts of Me

Cancer,

I cannot even begin to describe the absolute void that lives within me because of you. I have been physically rid of you for almost six years now, and yet somehow you still manage to wreak havoc on my soul.

Dear Cancer, You Stick to Me Like Glue

Dear Cancer,

My word, you really are a tricky little one. I don’t remember a life before you or without you. You seem to love to stick to me like glue. First popping out your dirty little head in 1998 when I was only four, taking my eye and my trust in my own body.

Cold & In the Wide-Open Air

Dear Cancer,
I am so far from
the me who sat in that chair
cold and so afraid.

Dear Cancer, We are Now Forever Intertwined

Dear Cancer,

I knew you were set to come after me. I mean you went after almost every other female in my family, so why wouldn’t you come after me?

Dear Cancer, It’s Me

Dear Cancer,

It’s me. The one your cells decided to affect with your invasive takeover. It’s me. The one you decided would fight your battle. It’s me. The one that is now advocating for those who cannot anymore. It’s me. The one who cannot fathom why you chose her to survive.

Dear Cancer, We Acknowledge You

Dear Cancer,

I wish I could paint you as a villain, as so many others have. I wish I could wear the F*$& CANCER shirts and personify myself as a WARRIOR and pretend that cancer is an adversary that can be conquered if you just try hard enough, truly believe, and stay positive. But Cancer, you are not that villain.

Dear Cancer, I Learned to Live Again

Dear Cancer,

When I found out you were in my body I was scared, mad, and I lost all hope. I hated you for so long for taking my hair, my health, and my hope. I hated you for giving me anxiety, PTSD, and for trying to kill me.