Cancer

Cancer Survivorship During Young Adulthood

Michelle: If you could take yourself back to when you were first diagnosed, what would you tell yourself based on what you know now?

Elissa: I would say go to therapy early. I did not go to therapy until I basically broke down after completing treatment. I realized I was depressed when I was no longer excited about the upcoming holiday season, and I knew something was wrong.

Why I Stayed Away From Survivors

“My demographic,” I told my sister. “Can we say, ‘my demographic?’”

It was code, so that when we navigated the COVID-tightened New York sidewalks—chatting almost directly into others’ ears—it didn’t have to be “cancer” that they heard, “cancer” that I shared, like a little poisonous puff of fumes on the air.

How Cancer Taught Me What Really Matters

Hello, my dear reader. My name is Jordan, and I am a cancer survivor. I am here to share with whoever feels like listening a little bit about my story, and more importantly, what it has taught me. I am sure my story will sound familiar to many other cancer patients who may stumble across this. I hope you enjoy it.

Cancer is a Big #@$%&* Ordeal

Nobody expects a cancer diagnosis. It comes out of the blue, defying the belief that it can’t happen to me. There are no cancer-prep classes, no training programs to help us ready ourselves for this moment, and no way to practice reacting to such shattering news. So, when we hear those words, “You’ve got cancer,” the brain short circuits, leaving us stuck in feedback loops baked into the wiring: “cancer equals death” and “showing emotions is a sign of weakness.”

Choose Your Own Adventure

In 2011, I didn’t get to choose my path. Cancer chose for me. The diagnosis meant 14 months of being told to see doctors, have tests and surgeries, and undergo a course of immunotherapy. The doctors said it was all necessary to survive, and I did it all.

At the end of those 14 months, I felt lost.

Living at a Crossroads: Juggling Caregiving and College

Just a few weeks after dropping me off for my first semester of college in 2014, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. Suddenly I had two lives. One where I was home taking care of him and trying to support my mom. The other was at college, where I juggled the guilt of not being present at school with the shame of not being there for my family.

Lessons Learned with Lisa: Self Care

You are not alone if . . .

No one prepared you for how difficult survivorship would be
Cancer crosses your mind every single day, even years out of treatment
There are things, places, smells, and phrases that immediately trigger your anxiety
You are still figuring out how to incorporate self-care into your daily routine

There’s A Safe Space For You Here

I remember the sounds of the door squeaking at my very first oncology appointment. I remember the smell of a cleaning agent that was too strong and the undeniable odor of rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer. I remember the snap of rubber gloves being squeezed on hands. The loud crinkle of the paper I scooted back onto. 

How Cancer Changed My Perception of Masculinity

In a small white room outside of Rome, Italy, with nothing on the walls but a haunting crucifix, I was told: “Hai la leukemia linfoblastica acuta.” You have acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

Alone in a foreign country, I immediately sensed how helpless I was. I needed to get home, and fast. I needed my friend to immediately scratch all her plans and take the train with me from Rome to Milan to grab my essential belongings.

Caring for My Dad as a Nurse Practitioner

I have taken care of so many people throughout the years and cared about each of them in some way. Many made their way into my heart, some in unexpected ways. It all changed me. It used to make me sad and drain me and leave me without energy for myself and my family.