Survivorship

I Didn’t Expect to Live

Expectations.

I expected to live a long, healthy life without wondering if I’ll reach my thirtieth birthday.

I expected not to lie awake tonight, stunned and saddened because Alex is gone.

No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition (Or Pancreatic Cancer)

I was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic adenocarcinoma—the muchdreaded, frequently lethal cancer of the pancreas—in early 2021. At the time, I had just turned 33 and was living in Durham, North Carolina, while the world grappled with the COVID-19 pandemic.

Redefining Normal

Life After Cancer
I counted down the days to when active treatment for cancer would be over.
I counted down the appointments to when I would be free.

When Cancer Conjured the Ghosts and Revived New Spirits

Even before I was diagnosed with cancer, my still-young body was already plagued by exhaustion, and I was slowed down in my drive and rhythm. It seems as if my life was pointing a finger at me and saying, “Watch out, it can’t go on like this!”

Thank You Cancer for Showing Me How to Live

At 31, my life turned upside down in an instant. Being diagnosed with cancer was a shock that changed everything. Now, ten years later, I’m a three-time cancer survivor, and my perspective on life has dramatically shifted. Surviving something I thought would kill me has given me a new outlook.

Phantoms of Daily Life

I remember when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer: I remember falling to the floor and violently sobbing. After adjusting to the diagnosis, I had assumed that I would just have a double mastectomy and move on with my life.

Marks of a Survivor

My scars. There is beauty from it, but most scars tell a story. There are these inevitable scars that I cannot hide from a time when something inside was trying to hurt me. It is an odd thought, and when I think of cancer, I often think how strange it is to have our own body do this to us.

The New Me

After a year of fighting like hell to get back to the old me, I realized that is something that will never happen again. The old me is gone, and like a phoenix from the ashes, I have to rise again and embrace the new me.

Words Leave Scars

Some people view visible scars as a reminder of what they went through. Depending on the person this could be a positive or a negative. One person may view it as a reminder of their strength, while another views it as a reminder of their struggle. There’s undoubtedly some that see it both ways.

My Scars Tell a Story

Mommy has an ouchy boo boo.
Kalli has nipples. Mommy has no nipples.
Mommom (aka grandma) has boobs. Mommy has no boobs.
Can I touch it?