AYA Cancer

To Be Alive

Much has happened since 2019, some good and some bad. In many ways, we live in a different world. Who in 2019 could have imagined that we would live through a dystopian novel in the years to follow? But, in my own life, the most notable event came during the summer of that year—the day I received a call that confirmed that I had, in a phrase taken from Susan Sontag, “entered the realm of the sick.”

Grief During the Holidays

It is okay not to feel Joy when you hear “Joy to World.”

At this moment, as I walk through the stores and hear “Joy to the World,” I have a visceral reaction: I shudder. I want to walk out of the store and roll my eyes. I am not a grinch. I love Christmas; it is one of, if not my favorite holiday.

Complicated Grief

Complicated Grief: When Losing a Parent to Cancer and Parental Alienation Collide

When my husband died from complications of cancer 13 years ago, I endured the relentless waves of grief that young widows and widowers are forced to ride when we lose a partner and the parent to our young children. Not only do we mourn their partnership and all our shared future dreams, but we also mourn the parent our kids have lost, and the significance of that parent/child relationship our children will never get to experience.

How Cancer Undid Years of Body Hatred

Cancer and I danced a pretty strong tango. In Mid-November 2021 I got to join the club no one wants to join; I was diagnosed with Primary Stage Triple Negative Breast Cancer, grade 3c, at the ripe young age of 33. I’d been having issues with a painful lump in my right breast for a few months.

I’d always been big chested from a young age and while others may see that as a blessing, for me it had always garnered unwanted attention—from everyone.

Cancer Cannot Stop You

I have never been a runner. I was athletic, if I were to be generous about it, but never a runner.

It wasn’t until after my cancer diagnosis that I decided to hit the pavement. As a 24-year-old nonsmoker, I never expected to receive a lung cancer diagnosis, nor did I expect all the things that were to follow in the next couple of months.

The Moment . . .

Have you seen a soul enter this world? 
Have you felt a room fill with the energy of new life? 
You can feel it. 
The moment this tiny being joins you on this side, the room changes. 
There is an electricity, a palpable jolt that all who are privileged to be present get to feel. 
It is magic. 

Stage Four Sucks

Some days it feels like it’s been ten years, other days it feels like it has been just hours. January 10, 2012. The day I was diagnosed with Stage 4 Nodular sclerosis Hodgkin’s lymphoma. The “good cancer.” The “best one to choose.” The “highest success rate” cancer. Well, some days it freaking doesn’t feel like it. Like last night, when I barely had the strength to climb the stairs into my house and collapsed onto the couch for hours.

Permanently Stargazing, Constantly Changing

Any cancer patient knows the sound, and they know it well; even subconsciously. While it might not have a name to the common public, the crinkle of sanitary plastic seal peeling back to reveal a thin, metal needle is something familiar to us. That becomes a sound that’s just simply a part of your life, like the oven timer or your iPhone alarm clock. Some of those sterile, shining needles start IV drips for chemotherapies or anesthesia. Others spur the process of emotional healing.

A Powerful Vessel

“I’m so fat.”
“I hate the way my thighs look when I sit.”
“My cellulite and stretch marks are ugly.”
“Look how big my stomach is.”
“Why are my arms so big?”
“Ugh, I hate that picture, I have a double chin.”
“I wish I looked as thin as I did last year.”

Reflecting on 2022 and Looking Forward to 2023

The elephant in the room is cancer. Tea is the relief conversation provides. This is our motto, short and sweet. Storytelling is the heart and soul of what we do. It is the heartbeat of our organization. Everything that we do revolves around allowing people to share their stories in their own words.