Don’t Give Cancer All the Credit

Click Here to Read Chelsey’s Article in our June 2025 Magazine

To me, the belief that everything happens for a reason is simply untrue. A few years ago, I shared a piece of artwork expressing this sentiment on Instagram. I was shocked when it became one of the most “controversial” posts I’ve ever made. People from all over the internet seemed to find my post and commented on why they disagreed. Interestingly, those in the cancer community largely agreed with me. That resonated with me. I struggle to believe that my illness and suffering serve some “divine purpose.” I find this notion deeply offensive, particularly when applied to children with serious illnesses. There is never a purpose in a child facing a cancer diagnosis. So, why do people continue to say this to cancer patients and their families again and again?

When I was first diagnosed with cancer in 2018, I quickly realized that one of my “jobs” was to manage other people’s emotions regarding my illness. Even when people mean well, they seek reassurance or meaning behind why cancer occurs. I believe we, as patients, do the same. We question why this happened; we ask the universe, “Why me?” An easy answer is, “Everything happens for a reason.” So, when people expressed those sentiments to me in 2018, I let them. It made them feel better to believe that I was facing life or death for a reason. It didn’t make me feel any better. Instead, it felt like I had the expectations and weight of the world on my shoulders. If I survive this, I need to emerge from it with a whole new meaning in life … right?

If you know anything about me, you know that my life has indeed gained a new meaning post-cancer. It would be too easy for the team that believes “everything happens for a reason” to use me as a case study to prove their points. Before I got sick, I was largely unhappy with many aspects of my life. I was working far too much at a job I despised, I was constantly stressed, and my only so-called “life purpose” was being a mother. When cancer came into the picture, I was suddenly confronted with the terrifying thought that I might not be able to fulfill that purpose—the most important one. It breaks my heart to witness the loss of anyone in the cancer community, but as a parent, it is especially devastating to see young parents losing their lives to this disease. I often find myself questioning what reason these die-hard believers would offer to a child growing up without their loving parent.

That said, I often have conflicting feelings about my life now. I work as a full-time artist, and much of my work focuses on cancer advocacy. I feel like I’ve been able to bring genuine positive change to others facing cancer. I appreciate my life after cancer so much more than my life before, yet sometimes I feel guilty for it. I will never say I am grateful for having cancer, but I can’t deny the positive changes in my life after cancer. I’ve talked to many people about these types of feelings, and they are normal. Yet, they are incredibly confusing and make me feel ashamed. Why did it take a cancer diagnosis for me to take a different path? How could cancer be the catalyst for positive change in my life? It makes my stomach hurt just typing this. Regardless, I still don’t believe the work I’m doing today is why I got sick.

It’s hard to reconcile the good and the bad in anything, really. It’s even more challenging when considering life and death. A couple of years ago, a friend from the cancer community lost her life, and in her memory, she requested donations to an organization that helps pay off medical debts. Casey McIntyre was someone I knew personally through my online community, but her selfless actions led to her story being shared on a global platform. Outlets like the New York Times and Associated Press reported that her fundraiser was set to pay off nearly 20 million dollars in medical debt for patients. That is incredible. Once again, some might argue that this fantastic gift Casey left the world is somehow the “reason” she is no longer here. I don’t believe her husband and young daughter would agree. I don’t agree. It’s a wonderful thing that emerged from something tragic, but it isn’t the reason. Cancer simply happens. It’s bad luck or faulty genetics, not divine intervention.

There are other stories like Casey’s, where family and friends channel their grief into purpose. Many incredible nonprofits, such as the B-Present Foundation, have been established in memory of lost loved ones. Its founder, Abby Westerman, lost her 20-year-old daughter, Kirsten, to leukemia in 2016. Through this foundation, Abby brings comfort and valuable knowledge on how to best support patients facing cancer diagnoses. I have worked with Abby and witnessed her love and dedication to this organization firsthand. However, above it all, the truest love and dedication is for her daughter Kirsten and her memory. Although this organization is doing great things, the reason Kirsten lost her life wasn’t so it could be founded. This remarkable initiative emerged from the ashes like a flower, blooming from the cracks in the sidewalk against all odds.

I share these examples to illustrate that this resilience to keep going, reinvent, and seek purpose cannot be captured by the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” It’s too limited and simplistic. It’s a testament to the human spirit that, despite enduring the unimaginable, we can emerge on the other side and flourish. We discover the reason for ourselves, or perhaps within ourselves. Ultimately, it’s our decisions and actions that propel our purpose forward. In my view, simply getting up and facing life every day after experiencing the unimaginable carries its own purpose. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t have a grand plan for how your life will unfold. Being here and continuing to put one foot in front of the other is enough. Small steps are always worth celebrating; your achievements result from your efforts, not your cancer. Cancer might be a catalyst for change in one’s life, but it sure as hell isn’t the reason for anything good, in my opinion. That is giving this disease way too much credit.

The next time you feel tempted to say, “Everything happens for a reason,” pause and consider why you are saying it. Are you trying to justify the unimaginable? Not knowing the why or the reason behind certain events can be frightening, especially when it involves something as serious as cancer. As humans, it is normal for us to rationalize both the bad and the good. We seek answers and fear the unknown, yet collectively, we need to become more comfortable with the uncertainty of not knowing the why.

As Peter Pan once said, “To live will be an awfully big adventure.” I am grateful for each day that I get to embrace this new adventure after cancer, even on the tough days. I don’t have all the answers, and I never will. I am learning to be OK with that. I am learning to be more present and see how things unfold. I can’t wait to discover what’s next.

Original Artwork by Chelsey Gomez: