cancer survivor

The Hardest Battle I Faced After Surviving Cancer

Before cancer, life felt steady, predictable, and even comfortable. I believed that when something went wrong, you handled it. If you got sick, you saw a doctor, got better, and moved on. That was the script I’d always followed. I made plans, assuming time was on my side. I thought I was doing fine. I thought I was safe.

My Own Worst Enemy

Dear Cancer,

I’ll never forget the day we met. We were introduced haphazardly by the radiologist who read my CT scan results, just minutes after I left my appointment.

What the Fire Left Behind

You arrived like smoke under the door.

At first, I didn’t notice.

Just the soft shift in light,

the sudden weight in my chest.

Controlling The Response After Cancer

One day, many years ago, long before I had been diagnosed with cancer, I remember hearing some insight phrased in such a way that it struck a profound chord within me, and ultimately changed my perspective, and my life.

Survivorship After Having the “Good Cancer”

Patrick. Cait. Casey. Kevin. Jim. Chris. Mike. Alden. Vinnie. Adam. Those are the people I think of most throughout every day I remain cancer-free. Since I have been in my survivorship journey, those ten people have died, all undeserving of what this disease took from them and their loved ones.

Ode to H.E.R. (Holding Every Reality)

It feels like it took a lifetime to find you… this body of mine. All her shapes, curves, and ombre moods of brown.

I was sort of lost without understanding how powerful you are, so I’ve fought hard for you to stay.

Internal and External Scars

I am two years into cancer
Or rather –
Cancer is two years into me –
and my body is Scarred.
No,
Not just where they sliced open my neck and removed the cancer
(twice).
No,
not just where they implanted a port into the middle of my chest,
just below my once-cushioned
(now-protruding)
collar bone.
No,
Scar tissue is
where my heart is
and
Scar tissue is
where my words are
and
Scar tissue has taken over
the Happiness Center in my brain.

Cancer Treatment Doesn’t End After Chemotherapy

It was March 3, 2022 and I was checking my online chart to see what was going on with me.

I went through a sonogram, a biopsy, and various other blood tests to check out the large growth on my neck. “The immunophenotypic features of the large, atypical cells are consistent with the diagnosis of classic Hodgkin lymphoma,” the words hit me like a train running me over at 100 miles an hour.

Alive and Scarred

Scars – by definition, are “marks left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. A lasting effect of grief, fear, or other emotion left on a person’s character by a traumatic experience. A mark left on something following damage of some kind.” 

Dear Cancer, Keep Your Distance

Hey Cancer,
I can see you looking at me.
Stay back, across the street, stay steady.
It’s been two years.

I still feel you crawling under my skin
after kicking you out of me.