AYA Cancer

My Journey From Chaos To Calm

Kintsukoroi – a Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with gold. They believe the repaired item is even more beautiful than the original, because of its imperfections. My cancer diagnosis shattered me into pieces, and I am only just sticking them back together, with gold.

Will I Ever Fully “Survive?”

Survivorship – this word itself is loaded. I always thought that to survive meant that you “fought” something and you “made” it. You are now living and existing, despite facing a difficulty. On some level, to me, the word survive itself implies that you are not living your life to its full potential. My core belief has always been that life is meant to be lived fully.

The Weight of Surviving

I’m shaking. Scrunched in the middle seat of a plane. Somewhere over Canada, I think. Happily watching From Scratch as I drink my Iceland glacier water and eat my German hot dog pastry. I love these new Netflix shows. Women of color falling in love with European men. A dream of mine, really. And so cheerful to watch—till his knee hurts, and I’m wondering what surgery he will need.

You Will Have to Learn

After completing my treatment in April of 2021, I had a mixture of emotions. I was happy that the treatments were over, but I was terrified at the same time. You see, being a cancer patient, treatments and checkups became a security blanket. I knew that the treatment was keeping the cancer away and I knew the checkups would catch anything if it did happen to show its ugly face again.

It Was All a Dream

My story is unique. I didn’t have symptoms of cancer. I didn’t have any medical issues I was dealing with. And to my knowledge, there were no cancer genes in my family. In fact, I would have never found my cancer if it wasn’t for an eye-opening dream I had about my mother. Buckle up, friends, I am about to take you on a journey that you would never believe. It will strengthen your faith and remind you there is something bigger than all of us out there.

Carcinoma

A cold
Weight loss I was happy about
Chest pain
Hard to breath
Doctor said bronchitis
Then pleurisy

Wait
What’s this weird bump
Doctor said swelling
Wait
It’s bigger now
Doctor said time for a CT scan
Wait

I Left Her Behind

I left her behind.
It wasn’t my decision.
I miss her.
Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her.

I close my eyes and she’s there.
I think she’s imperfectly beautiful.
Easy on my eyes, if only in my eyes.

Finding Friends Who Understand

When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t want cancer friends. At the time I was still processing my diagnosis and trying to wrap my head around the fact that in a few weeks, I would be having awake brain surgery, chemo, and radiation. My brain tumor was an incidental find from a car accident, meaning I didn’t feel sick at all.

My Life. The Comet.

Before cancer, writing wasn’t something I enjoyed. It was a chore. Something I did at work or for school. Much like all things I dislike, I avoided it. Then, when I was at my lowest point, writing found me. Pushed me to pick it up, toss my feelings out, and move ahead. Finding community during treatment was intimidating for me.

How I Overcame My Fears During Thyroid Cancer By Using My Faith

Two years ago I went through total thyroidectomy surgery on June 3rd, 2020. Since I was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma thyroid cancer on June 5th, 2020, it felt like my whole world has turned upside down. It’s like I was in a downward spiral with all the emotions of feeling lost, lonely, depressed, and angry when I found out that I was diagnosed with papillary carcinoma thyroid cancer.