Your Worth

I’ve had a complicated relationship with my body since I was a preteen; I was struggling with my body image alongside a turbulent childhood. This was the perfect storm for the development of an eating disorder, which I struggled with for two years. The left side of my artwork illustrates that period of my life. It didn’t matter what I saw in the mirror—my thoughts always told me I wasn’t good enough. Even though I recovered from my eating disorder, that type of thinking always lingers in your mind: a constant struggle that tries to rear its ugly head during every low moment in your life.

When I went through cancer, I found myself in a turbulent place again, feeling less in control of my life and body than ever before. I remember looking in the mirror—puffy from steroids, swollen from fluids, and bald. Who was she? It was hard to force myself to take steroids when I heard in my head, “you’re going to get fat!” But I wanted to survive, and this is what I had to do to survive. I made myself do whatever the doctor said.

The right side of my artwork represents how I feel after going through cancer. My relationship with my body isn’t perfect, but I am proud of what we survived together. I no longer look at myself in the mirror and automatically think about what I could change; instead, I see the person I am inside, and I know that’s worth far more than any number on a scale.