The People I Lost, the Self I Found

Hi herd, hope you all are well. I am writing again to talk about the one lesson that cancer has taught me today. Do you know what that is? It is people. I guess being diagnosed at age 33, I thought I knew life and people’s reactions. Boy was I wrong. I think that I was naïve at that age. I expected support from a lot of people that I thought were on my side. Instead, I got ridiculous comments and strange looks. I now know that people can be very unpredictable and placing reliance on people can be disappointing at times.

Some of the things that gave me comfort were crying at night. I got so accustomed to it that it became my daily routine to cry in the night. I hated my life so much at that point. I guess I reached rock bottom. Just imagine I managed to reach my highest level of education, pursuing a doctorate, ready to migrate and settle down, then sickness arose. I had to work minimum wage jobs and listen to stupid comments being made about me. I used to wish I had cancer. I waited for death but guess what, it never came.

With regards to control, I have learnt to let go of things that are beyond my control. I stopped trying to control everything. My life made a complete 360, hopefully for the better. I unfortunately let go of some of my family and friends who didn’t show support for me. Was that wrong of me? I can’t be expected to be there and support people all the time and when I need support, what, you are unavailable? That makes no sense to people. I wised up, as the older heads call it. I still maintain my beliefs, but it changed a bit.

For someone that was recently diagnosed, I would say to hold the faith. Keep praying and spend some time to truly discover yourself. This journey is hard, but you can make it easy and less worrisome on yourself. I used to practice yoga and guess what, I started to journal. I found Elephants and Tea on Facebook and boy was that my true miracle. I began to write and found joy in publications. I think that I am addicted to it now. I will forever be grateful to Nick and his team for showing me how to trust and believe in myself, a concept I was never able to grasp before.

I just want to touch on love, limits and resilience. I began to love myself more and appreciate the simple things in life. Limits, people should know their limits when dealing with cancer patients. You should watch how you speak, we are already depressed, what would you say negative things? Reality check, you should try to uplift people, you will uplift yourself in the process as well. Resilience, what can be said about this word? I hope that I have developed coping mechanisms to get me through life. I feel as though from birth to death is always a struggle but, in the end, I tried my best. Well, that’s all for now, my friends, Adios.