if someone told me…

I wish someone told me that survivorship would be the hardest part…
that it’s like a rollercoaster,
except the track changes every time you start the ride again.

I wish someone told me that survivorship would be the hardest part…
that the isolation can leave you feeling so misunderstood,
except you don’t have the words to help people understand everything running through your mind.

I wish someone told me that survivorship would be the hardest part…
that everyone around you will celebrate you being “done with cancer,”
except you’ve built a defense mechanism to never be caught off guard again so you can’t envision what that truly means.

if someone told me,
would I have listened?
would I have believed them?
would I have done anything differently?

but I see there’s no purpose in dwelling on the things I never knew.
instead, I open my heart to the things that help me learn.

Photo credit to Brandon Rivera and Alma Egeskov