Help vs. Support

Hi all, guess what, I had to google search this one for assistance. I always knew help and support to be the same thing but it’s not. Help may be considered an actual task. So, during my cancer journey which started in 2018, I didn’t want to ask for help because I felt as though I was inconveniencing people. All those doctor visits and trips to take chemotherapy definitely cost me a lot. I couldn’t afford to pay anyone because I wasn’t working. Difficult times for me indeed. I relied heavily on my brother for assistance, but it did take an emotional toll on him.

Whilst that was physical help, I want to concentrate on support which is kind of emotional help. I never thought that I would rely on strangers to assist me. I guess I was too embarrassed to tell my close family, friends and neighbors. I had to depend on social media groups and my writing to assist me. I used to browse websites for positive quotes and inspiration. I met new and exciting friends, and I improved on my writing skills. I love to write for Elephants and Tea now, it is addictive. Thanks a lot, to my herd for listening.

So many nights I cried to myself, I just couldn’t bear the humiliation anymore. I could hear all the whispers behind my back: “she is so young,” but this disease is for anybody…cancer has no limits. All of these were true, but I just couldn’t accept it. From being a very private person to going all public and letting everyone know my situation, was a real game changer for me. I had to adapt to a whole new culture and ethics. It was hard at first but eventually I got accustomed to it. Being in public was different but it never got to my head.

Whilst people supported me mentally, I still had a physical demand. I felt as though my body was giving up on me. I struggled both emotionally and physically, stress! For example, whilst I was doing chemotherapy, it would feel as though a hundred-pound bag of flour was pressing down on my back, on a daily basis. I couldn’t get over the intense pain. It really is a miracle to come out of that. I used to vomit every day, oh gosh, nothing stayed in my stomach. I had bad diarrhea; I just couldn’t be around people anymore. I kept to myself a lot, writing in my journal about my experiences. It gave me comfort.

I realize that life is full of challenges. It is how we deal with situations that arise, truly makes us unique. Some people cry, drink, smoke, even gamble just to cope. I chose to be silent, write and practice yoga. All of which assisted me to recover today. I honestly didn’t want to make it. I was just fed up with life in general. I couldn’t wait to meet my maker but that didn’t turn out too well. I am here now and I have found a new purpose in this life. I now hope that I live to see the years of my new life. Thanks everyone for listening. You all are my blessing!