Connection After Cancer

My relationships with other people have definitely changed over time. I isolated myself during my chemo and radiation treatments over the years. Whilst this may not have been the choice of mine, I felt completely lost. I was not sure if I would live or die and that to me was indeed the scariest part of my life. I just needed some time alone to clear my head and go through all my emotions of loneliness, vulnerability, neglect, and emptiness by myself.

After my treatments and follow up visits, the doctor gave me a “good” bill of health. Whilst I was in shock, I sat in the car and cried. I could not believe after all of this, I made it out alive. As I tried to speak to people, I noticed a change in attitude towards me. I know I asked for space, but it did not mean forever. I am mindful of other people’s privacy though, so I left it alone.

I now move on to my connection with people. Since my diagnosis, I found new friends and groups that I can relate to. Not everybody understood what I went through but yet they expect me to just move on with my life. How do you explain to people what happened to you for the past seven years and counting?

I must admit, I am still embarrassed about my situation, as I constantly see people who do all the wrong things in life succeed, but I am in no position to judge anyone at this time. I find it very difficult to repeat my story now, as I try to move on mentally. Is this entire ordeal really over now? How can I possibly connect with other people if I am still struggling on my own? I still cry at times when I receive the news of a person dying of cancer. Why must we all go through this in life? Why?

I would like to touch on connecting with other people through familiar experiences. Oh yes, I met a whole new world of people throughout my cancer journey. I looked up several cancer groups on social media, but I always had a love for Elephants and Tea. I was able to write all my feelings down from the beginning of my journey. To my surprise, my stories were being published. I was shocked, happy and excited all at the same time. I honestly did not expect to have Soo much love and support from strangers.

It was heartwarming for me. I didn’t stop writing, I continued. Writing was a passion for me. It was an escape, as well as a way to express myself with little interaction. Cancer has indeed reshaped my views on relationships. I never thought that I would be in a romantic relationship with anyone after cancer but to my surprise, a boy came into my life in May 2024. Hmmm, what should I do after this? I am still deciding on my next move…… to be continued!