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My Cracked Earth

by Cecily LiuPatient, OligodendrogliomaJanuary 14, 2025View more posts from Cecily Liu

When I woke up from surgery,

Something was amiss.

The monitor beeped,

The plink plink of the dripping ringed,

The tubes were plugged into me

And my head felt numb

Like a dried-up earth

Ripped from nourishment

And cracked in pain.

 

When I touched my head,

I almost cried in fear

Of my velvety flowing hair.

I remembered the nurse’s words,

“No need to plait her hair,

It’s all going to be shaved off”, they said.

I have learned, from watching others

That the plaited hair will be spared

From the surgeon’s merciless shaver.

I was prepared for it to all go,

And leave my head bold

Like a dried-up earth

Ripped from nourishment

And cracked in pain.

 

When my hair grew back,

I treasured every thread.

The thin, soft, tender growth,

Like a fresh born baby’s hair,

Gave me a new life

A new chance to live the world

The delicate sprouts,

Are full of life

Like little soldiers

Ready for a battle

To protect the dried-up earth

Ripped from nourishment

And cracked in pain.

 

When the hair covered my head,

No one knows

How much pain hid underneath

No one sees

The stitch lines

That will forever remain

Like fault lines

On the earth surface

Transforming the landscape

Forever and for ever

As a stark reminder

Of the catastrophic earthquake

That once took place

Ripping up the earth surface

Mercilessly.

 

And when the fault lines become history

The tears didn’t go away

The sunshine dimmed

The new landscape of the cracked earth

Presented new mountains to climb

New valleys to tread

New rivers to swim in

In silence

In loneliness

In abandonment

Are the scars within

That lives the memories

Of the tearing and healing

Like a map of the pain and courage

To live life on.

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