Mama Tried

This letter is written to my sweet baby boy

Or would you have been a girl?

Honestly it doesn’t matter, I would have loved you either way

I would have loved every inch of you

From the top of your curly brown hair

Down to the bottom of your little brown feet

And my love would have grown to depths I can’t even fathom with each passing day

With every beautiful smile

With every hearty laugh

And with every milestone you’d make

But to tell the truth, I love you now

Even though we cannot be together physically, I carry you in my heart every day

Everywhere I go you’re with me

I hope I make you proud

It pains me that I’ll never get to meet you

I’ll never get to touch you

Or hold you in my arms

I’ll never get to memorize every beauty mark

Or know your favorite color

I can only fantasize these little details about you

Before the door closed on our future together, I dreamt about the day I’d get to walk you to school

And how nervous I’d be to have you out of my sight for longer than an hour

I wanted the chance to be every bit how your grandma was with me when I was your age

That was my hope

That was my dream

But that’s all it’ll ever get to be… a dream

Just know your mama tried to make you a reality

Not just a figment of my imagination