Survivorship

Dear Cancer, Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining

Dear Cancer,

In November 2021, I was diagnosed with you after five weeks of hospital appointments, scans, and blood tests. I was 28 years old. I am 29 years old now and eight cycles into chemotherapy, with four more to go before the next progress scan.

Dear Cancer, You Have Awakened Me

Dear Cancer,

You showed up when I least expected it. I suppose that’s how it always goes. I remember the air being sucked from my lungs for a brief minute, then, awkwardly, my mind went still, and I just stared out the window.

Dear Cancer, Thank You for Helping Me Find Myself

Dear Breast Cancer,

Thank you.

Thank you for helping me find myself.
Thank you for releasing toxicity in my life.
Thank you for restoring my smile.
Thank you for forcing me to set boundaries.

Dear Cancer, I Never Expected You

Dear Cancer,

Before meeting you, I was so distracted. I lived such an unintentional life, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I didn’t know how to forgive. I was consumed with bitterness and annoyance at everything in me and around me.

Dear Cancer, You Inflict Pain

Dear Cancer,

I am writing to express my anger regarding the pain you have caused. You have taken many things from my life that I will never be able to get back. 

My grievances began in 1993 at the age of five when you first arrived.

Dear Cancer, You Failed

Dear Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma,

We met in 2020 during a pandemic. So, I guess you wanted to be memorable. I am not sure what else your agenda was, but If it was to defeat me, I am sorry that you failed at that mission.

Dear Cancer, This Has Not Been a Linear Journey

Dear Cancer,

Last year I wrote you a letter like this one, but now I am in a very different place, and I have a lot more to say. Last year when I wrote to you, I was a 23-year-old patient struggling with the effects of chemo. Now I am a 24-year-old survivor trying to heal and find my footing again.

No One is the Same

The survival rate of Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia, assuming you make it through diagnosis and Induction (the first phase of treatment), is somewhere between 90-95% chance of full recovery. However, one study by the American Society of Hematology’s website Blood Journal, predicts “an early death rate of  5-10% within the first month of starting All Trans Retinoic Acid, mainly from intracranial bleeding.”

Losing Through Cancer

I remember the first-time cancer claimed the life of someone in my life. I was eight years old and in second grade.

My Great-Aunt Dorothy lived in New Jersey with her Italian-immigrant husband, my Great-Uncle Steve. She was my favorite family member because every time they came into town to visit, it was like a week-long party filled with Italian food and huge family gatherings.

Don’t Shut Your Feelings Out

Dear Younger Self,

I’m sorry I never took it seriously. You know, those hundreds of adults who told you that your fair-skinned complexion would never make you tan—no matter how much time in the sun is spent with no sunscreen in sight.