Survivorship

Dear Cancer: You Lost

Dear Cancer,

Hi, it’s me again. We haven’t talked in a while, but honestly, I didn’t know what to say to you. You failed to drag me down and I rang that wonderful bronze bell in spite of you. There was a celebration when you finally moved out. Of course, you took a bit of my femur with you, but I don’t mind. I got a really cool scar in return.

Uninvited Intruder, Unyielding Survivor

Dear Cancer,

If you had a face, a form, or a name, what would it be? Would it be a grotesque monster lurking in the shadows or a subtle, insidious force weaving its way through the fabric of life?

Dear Cancer, You Became My Silver Lining

Dear Cancer,

May 19, 2015, the day I discovered you were living within me. At just 26 years old, I was gearing up for a rollercoaster ride that, little did I know, I would never get off. I thought there would be an end to you, a day where my life would go back to what it was, and I could act as if you had never happened.

The Impossibilities of Life in the Mind of Someone Healthy

Dear Cancer, 

What do I want to say to you at our ten year anniversary? Like many patients, I still remember when we were introduced in 2014 like I had selective hyperthymesia for that day. At the time I received brain tumor diagnoses of grades I, II, III, and IV, with no member of my medical team able or willing to tell me anything about my prognosis.

Dear Cancer: The Chaotic Voyage

Dear cancer,

You made life messy. I expected it to be clean, linear, and perfect. But it’s none of these. Rarely does life sail along without at least a few waves crashing into my fragile vessel. Why do I expect perfection from a world that’s flawed?

Dear Cancer, I am Sick of You

Dear Cancer,

Here we go again, Cancer. To be honest, I am sick of talking about you. I am exhausted by my unwanted lifetime membership in the “Cancer Club.” Nearly six years into this, it feels like my whole life has been intertwined with your presence.

Dear Cancer, You Will Ruin My Life

Dear Cancer,

You will ruin my life. If I let you. But I choose not to give you that much power. You don’t deserve to take anything else from me. My life got turned upside-down, sideways, and every other direction a year and a half ago because of you. It’s like I’m still spinning out of control sometimes.

Dear Tammy (the Tumor)

Dear Tammy (the Tumor),

Hey, it’s me! It’s been a while, over 15 years. Can you believe it? How time flies! I understand you’re still dead and not to be a jerk, but I’m still really excited about that.

Anxiety, Depression, Suicide, Faith, Cancer, and Now?

Dear Cancer, 

I’m not sure if I should curse you or thank you for coming into my life. Looking back at the last two years since you made your presence known, you have done more good than bad. Yes, getting chemo sucks, but I got to see people’s true colors. Yes, it’s been sad and hard to go bald and through all the other chemo effects, but I was able to pull through.

Dear Cancer, Are We Friends or Foes?

Are you my friend, foe or imaginary friend?
The way this story starts doesn’t make sense with how it ends.
It seems like you only made yourself visible to me,
Through these waves of endless grief, what is it you want me to see?