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My Story About Self-Love

by Vikki RamdassSurvivor, Triple Negative Breast CancerMay 11, 2021View more posts from Vikki Ramdass

My cancer survivorship journey has proven to be a difficult one for me. I recently completed radiation in 2020 and I am now cancer free but the big question is, for how long can I remain cancer free? I have struggled with scanxiety and chemo brain for the past year. Plus, I decided to take a break from “reality” in order to plan my new way forward.

I searched out virtual counselling as a means of combatting my fears. I must say I thought that I was the only one experiencing these emotions but I have learnt over the years that “you are never alone.” Listening and reading other inspirational stories have thought me a lot about self-care and love, something I have never really paid much attention to.

So, my new mission was to seek out ways to take care of myself while still trying to help out others. I have always loved volunteering and I hope that my journey would in turn inspire others to continue the fight to move forward. I went through a whirlpool of emotions, such as sadness, depression, loneliness and being totally vulnerable but I knew that giving up was not the answer.

I have learnt and experienced new ways to take better care of myself such as having a great spa day, visiting my long-time friends and just being a good person overall. I decided to take up a new hobby such a learning a play a musical instrument and really pausing to enjoy the moment. Simple things such as a beautiful sky or moonlight really puts your mind at ease.

Not being able to take a deep breath and appreciate all that is around you over the years have made me realize that I was never living in the present. I always planned ahead for the future while constantly remembering the past but again I was never in the present time. Having to slow down because of my cancer diagnosis, has really awakened and developed my inner strength to realize my true potential.

I never thought that I would have completed my cancer treatment and come out of it alive. From planning my funeral in my mind to living a new life was such a shock and shift for me that I needed a lot of time to really think things through. Everyday is now a new journey as I wake up to life not depression or sadness. Not all days are the same though but I have come to terms with my new reality as survivorship is indeed the strongest part of my cancer journey.

Learning about self-care and love has taught me new ways to cope with life. After valentine’s day, I was indeed happy to make other friends and family smile on that special day. I realized that although I was secretly sad on that day, seeing others smile because of me will always be my most rewarding, and treasured memories throughout my life no matters what happens in the future!

All of the posts written for Elephants and Tea are contributed by patients, survivors, caregivers and loved ones dealing with cancer.  If you have a story or experience you would like to share with the cancer community we would love to hear from you!  Please submit your idea at

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