He Laughed

He laughed. How could he laugh? I just divulged my most kept secret and he laughed. When someone tells you they have cancer, laughing should not be your first response. Well, I guess this isn’t going anywhere…

Cut back to about a month earlier and I had asked my oncologist what she recommended as far as telling a potential romantic interest that I was in remission from cancer. She said there is no official answer. Everyone and every situation is different. (I was thinking I would get a pamphlet, as you do with everything.) Yes, you’re right, but that wasn’t much help!

Seven months into remission, I thought I might be able to dip my toe into the dating world again. I was off of all of my treatment meds (no more puking or feeling nauseous every ten minutes) and am able to be out and about for more than an hour at a time, so why not give it a go?

I decided to download a dating app. It seemed like the way to go. I used it for a while and even had conversations with a couple of guys. Nothing stuck and I didn’t feel “the spark”.

On Thursday, May 12th, I was done with the dating app. I hadn’t met anyone, and I was tired of all the stereotypical small talk and asking the same questions over and over.

The app would not delete! I kept hitting the delete button and it wasn’t working! I tried to uninstall the app, and it wouldn’t go away! What was going on?! I figured if it wanted to stay on my phone, fine, but I don’t have to open it. And I didn’t for two whole days.

Cut to Saturday, May 14th. I decided that morning to check the app again. Maybe I just needed a break. Lo and behold, I had a new match! And it was a guy that I was actually interested in. I sent him a generic hello message and put my phone down to continue getting ready for the day. About two minutes later, I heard my phone give a notification; he wrote back! We sent a few messages back and forth and then I asked a more serious question: “How does your faith play out in your relationships?” He wrote back, “Great question; that would be easier to explain over the phone.” I wrote back, “I hoped you would say that.”

We exchanged numbers and he called me almost immediately. We said our nervous hellos, then I blurted out, “I don’t know if this is the right time to tell you, but I’m just going to say it: I had cancer. I am eight months in remission, and I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I thought you should know. If that’s not something you want to deal with, I get it, but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.” Silence.

Then I heard The Laugh… I was mortified!

After the laughter stopped, he said, “Funny you say that because I had cancer too.” My heart leapt! This person understands! How could this be possible?

We spent the next 30 minutes on the phone talking about our cancer journeys and comparing notes. It’s amazing how quickly you get to know someone when you share a trauma. His diagnosis was a few years earlier, but that wasn’t important. We had a unique bond. Even if this wasn’t a romantic connection, (who am I kidding!) it was a great connection to a fellow survivor.

Our first date was manual labor. I was running an event for my work that afternoon and I remember my mother mentioning that we were shorthanded for the late shift.

While we were running a few last-minute errands, I sent him a quick text inviting him to join us for the event. He told me he couldn’t because he already had plans. I was bummed, but I got another text 10 minutes later stating that his plans fell through and he was going to make it! (I later found out he called his buddy and told him he met a really cool girl, and she had invited him to an event that afternoon. His buddy told him he was cancelling so he could go meet me.)
We met in person that afternoon and spent a couple hours hauling around pounds and pounds of donated food. We went to dinner afterward. That was the first date of many.

A month later he proposed and two months after that we were married. We’ve been married two years and eight months now with a wonderful foster daughter.

To think, if I would have actually been able to delete the dating app off of my phone, or if I would have not blurted out that I am a cancer survivor, I wouldn’t have met my husband, Luther.