Dear Cancer, You Will Constantly Lose

Come and hear Colston read his letter to cancer out loud at our upcoming Perkatory event! October 9th, 7:00pm ET

Dear Cancer,

I never would have thought that I would be given an opportunity to send a letter to you and tell you how much you have meant in my life. What first started as a whirlwind of emotions from fear, anger and hate to now hope, surrender, and peace in my heart and a lifelong reminder that life is too short, there is so much of what having this diagnosis has meant to me. Your shadow first loomed on my life April 7th 2022, and I didn’t know how to handle the news. You made your way in my life and it was something that was unwelcome. I thought I was on top of the world, I thought that my life was complete, I thought that my life was full. You came and showed me quite different; you showed me the holes in my life that I needed to be filled, and I couldn’t imagine it back then, but three years later, two positive diagnoses and being told multiple times that I continue to stay in remission, I know our encounter was purposeful.

When You first entered my life I was angry, I fell into deep depression, you brought me to a place of constant pain, physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally and I didn’t know how to handle it all. Everything came at once, I couldn’t sleep, I was in constant pain, I had to walk with a cane just to make it thirty steps without falling out or becoming exhausted, you took from me the ability to feel comfortable and the pain of it all was unbearable. I constantly asked God why, what have I done? I thought I was living right, I thought I was living well, I thought I had it all together for You to bring this blight on my life, I was getting married soon, I couldn’t deal with this in the midst of it all, but God You surely knew that soon Cancer, You and I would become the best of friends.

The initial shock of having you in my life cancer was unbearable, I was a mess, was exhausted all the time, hurting and in pain, but chemo came into the picture and soon the sessions brought relief and peace and gave me more functionality, and I figured that I can make it through, each day became brighter, it wasn’t as hard and while the pain was bearable, God gave me respite from the war you were waging on my body. While I thought you were stealing it all from me, God showed me that you were giving me renewal and growth that took you entering my life to show me. In the midst of the battle I got married to my best friend and partner and despite having to endure a chemo session that week, God gave me the strength to endure and had the best day celebrating the start to our lives as One. You may have had residence in my body but you weren’t winning. The first time through I grew closer and stronger with my wife, she gave it all in a time where it was so hard to give anything, I was a shell of myself and I was broken but I still had life and I was surrounded by amazing people. My Wife, Our Moms, My Baby Sister, My Brother, Aunt and Cousin, my amazing church family and my close friends that are my brothers, they knew how to keep me up through the trying times that you brought. My God was my portion when I didn’t have enough and man there were many days where I didn’t have enough, but God I thank You for bringing me through.

Our story isn’t done quite yet, cancer, and what you have taught me by being a part of my life. God still had something to teach me with your presence in my life and the story begins again. Healing came and remission came in August of 2022, the months flew by and what felt like restoration was exciting, but December of 2022 brought our reunion. I knew you were back in my life, I knew that this pain that I was feeling was familiar, but this time the peace of having you in my life and knowing that I would be going through this again washed over me. We would be battling again and this time you were more aggressive, but like God knows He had a plan and told me “This battle is not yours to battle alone and everything you need I got you” and sure enough like all His promises He did not lie. Round two brought its own challenges but I was fully comforted knowing that this time I will ring that bell and this time your residence in my body would be over.

Surely your time did meet its end, my brother donated his cells to me and I surely was born and renewed again on May 25th, 2023, and on this day 7/7/2025 I am two years in remission. I wrote this letter to you cancer specifically Lymphoma to let you know that what I saw as a blight and a place of complete and utter desolation having you in my life has brought me restoration and God’s joy in my life and two years removed from having you completely out of my body, I say thank you, I can confidently tell you that having you in my life wasn’t destruction and you did not win, what you thought you were coming to do in my life actually turned out for the better, so as I close out this letter, I can finally say thank you cancer, you may always be apart of my life, but you have no dominion over my body, and God I thank You for filling me with hope each day as me and lymphoma continue to travel on this journey together.

Sincerely, Colston Nelson (Thankful Survivor)

P.S. You started a battle that thankfully you could not and would not win, and I have a peace that no matter how many times you may try to come back into my life, you will constantly lose.