The Elephant in the Room is Cancer. Tea is the Relief Conversation Provides.

A Life Without Parents

by Vikki RamdassSurvivor, Triple Negative Breast CancerOctober 8, 2021View more posts from Vikki Ramdass

Have you ever wondered what life would be like without parents? A harsh reality for many people out there. Yes, we are born from an egg and sperm, from a female and male. Yes, these are our biological parents, but are they the ones that make us who we are today? How many of us had to grow up with step-parents, foster parents and grandparents? It’s a reality for us all. I am sure most children have imagined an ideal home with people who love and support them, but sometimes this simple wish is a fairytale for many of us.

My story began when I lost my mother at the age of eighteen. Yes, I was an adult, but I guess I always thought that she would have been there throughout my life. My father had to work a lot, so I had to manage all on my own. I guess having to deal with peer pressure as a teenager, then work stress as a professional, has instilled a fear in me that I may never be a good enough mother on my own. Not having parents around to express my feelings to has left an emotional scar in my heart that never really went away.

Traumatic events from a young age can cause serious emotional turmoil in your adult life. I spoke to many professional counsellors, but I still feel broken inside. I look at my neighbors’ children growing up and often wonder why my life didn’t turn out like that, but each person has their own struggles in life to deal with. As a kid, I always thought that I was weird, but I knew that I was different. How many of my friends in school really understood what it was like to not have parents around? 

I remember all the laughing behind my back, simply because I didn’t have good clothes to wear or because I couldn’t afford good food, but I managed to cry myself to sleep every night in the hope that one day I would be a better person in the future. Then I was diagnosed with stage I triple negative breast cancer at age thirty-three. Oh yes, my life just keeps getting better as time goes by.

I often asked myself why I was ever born in this world. I honestly did not want to be here all on my own, a life without parents, my reality. If only I could have turned back time. After having survived my cancer ordeal, I did some deep reflection to try to figure out what to do next with my life. I often wonder if I am the same “pathetic” person my ex-boyfriend described me to be. Glad I didn’t marry him back then, lol!

My new life as a cancer survivor has made me realize that parents can only guide you so far in life; the rest of the journey is entirely up to you all, my friends. I often wanted to give up in life, but I just kept on going. Surprisingly, all my friends who laughed at me now want to talk… hmmm, decisions, decisions, what do you think I should do?

I am now happy that I am able to write and express my feelings to a wider population. I often get calls from people asking about my cancer experience, to which I am most happy to help out. I love to volunteer and help others; it brings purpose to my once broken life. The journey has been long and hard, but it was rewarding in the end for me. I guess having the strength to battle cancer is a true life-altering moment, one which should not be forgotten as you cross more hurdles in the future.

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