Remodeling My Emotional Kitchen: Healing Through Cancer

Cancer changed my relationships with others by forcing me to face and process my trauma. Eve Ensler, the playwright of The Vagina Monologues and a cancer survivor herself, reported that she survived cancer by confronting her trauma, along with making lifestyle changes and using traditional Western medicine. When I googled healing from cancer, I came across research connecting trauma to cancer, which catapulted me into doing deep trauma work in my personal life.

Cancer made me confront themes of codependency, trauma responses, and emotional healing. I had to evaluate my relationships with friends and family, making hard decisions to limit or remove certain people from my life. However, it felt like remodeling my emotional kitchen — clearing out what no longer served me and gaining the brand-new connections that are right for me. It was a time for me to unapologetically put myself first. For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing healthier friendships and stronger family relationships.

Cancer changed my relationship with myself by teaching me to love and be kind to myself. Making hard decisions about my relationships helped stabilize my mental health through therapy and EMDR, further supporting my physical healing journey. Connecting with others has been a learning curve for me; I’ve learned to become more selective about the people I allow into my life. Healthy connections take work, and I’m learning the steps as I move along in my journey.

Other cancer survivors have shared that finding validating, healthy people can be challenging. The relationships that have been most impacted include cutting out toxic and unhealthy romantic relationships, friendships, and even some family ties. I also had to walk away from toxic work environments for the sake of my well-being, and I sought out companies that offered the flexibility I needed for treatment while providing enough income to afford my care. Taking these chances was scary, but the universe provided.

Cancer reshaped my views on life, relationships, and the importance of following my dreams — learning to make the best of this life. Having a cancer diagnosis is terrifying, but there is hope. Hope is what keeps me moving forward.