The Elephant in the Room is Cancer. Tea is the Relief Conversation Provides.

Confined by the Present

by Karrah Teruya3x Patient, Acute Lymphoblastic LeukemiaJanuary 31, 2024View more posts from Karrah Teruya

Confined by the Present

It will never be the same

There are people all around me

They show their love

They show support

But it can only go skin deep

I am alone

Deep inside my mind

This womb of loneliness has become oddly comforting

It is hard to let anyone in

 

Stuck in a lonely present

I am not allowed to think about the past

No purpose in mulling over regrets

The woulda, coulda, shoulda’s are all gone now

There is no way to justify them

No way to take them back

 

I’m not allowed to think about the future

It might not belong to me

I don’t know how much time I have left

I am here in this moment, soaking up the present, alone

While everyone around moves forward freely

Learning from their past

Planning for their future

They stop to visit with me

Only for a moment

And then go back to

Planning, doing, going, making

Will I ever get to do more than just try to survive?

Will I get another chance at life?

Or will I remain captive?

Chained to this present moment

While everyone else has the privilege

of carelessly watching it pass by

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