Desert Island

Dear Cancer,

Living with you is like being stuck on a desert Island while watching boats, yachts, and ships pass you by. People see you on this island, wave, maybe offer you words of encouragement, but no one dares to step foot on this cancerous island, well, no one chooses to anyway. At first, you’re scared. What is going to happen to me here? How will I survive? Then you are angry. Angry at yourself, how did I end up here? What did I do wrong? Angry with others, how did they keep from getting stuck on this island? Why don’t they understand what I’m going through?

Some days, you are hopeful and determined and do whatever you can to get you closer to leaving this dreadful place. Other days, it’s a herculean task even to move. You are just so tired or in so much pain. You wish it weren’t like this, and you could just go on your boat again like everyone else and go anywhere, any place, and have the world be your oyster again, even if you never realized how good you had it before.

Occasionally, boats stop and throw you a lifesaver, give you advice, and tips to get off the island. No one can do it for you. It’s up to your body to be receptive. These boats are full of doctors, people who have gotten stuck on this island before, and family & friends who just want to show you love & support. They tell you about medicine, treatments, exercises, foods, and how your mindset can help you get out of this place. These are the moments you don’t feel so alone, you feel seen, heard, and don’t feel like life and everyone are passing you by. Yet, they can only help you so much; you need your mind, body, and spirit to cooperate. Especially, your body, from which you feel the most betrayed, and how you ultimately ended up here.

Day after day, you do what you can to survive, you follow the rules and advice you are given, take the medicines, and complete the treatments. Hoping and praying each day you will get off this awful island. You don’t know when, if, or how. Everyone who comes to this island is a fighter and has their own unique experience and story. You just hope you are one of the lucky ones who get to leave.

Then one day, if you’re lucky, you get to leave this worrisome place. Your time on the island has changed you for the better or the worse. You appreciate every moment you are no longer on the island; however, you feel guilty that you made it when others have not.

You try to live your life as you once did, like those carefree people on their boats, but it’s hard. You still feel that solitude at times because not everyone understands what you went through or continue to go through. You connect with others who have gone to the island too, and even throw lifesavers to those now stuck on the island to give them hope and make them feel less alone. In return, it helps you to deal with the solitude you felt and the island you still feel stuck on in your mind.