Reality is…. Surviving Survival

Today’s the day! After all the tests, doctor’s appointments, biopsy, bloodwork, scans, treatment, hospital stays, and infusions, you get to ring the bell!! You are in remission! You’ve fought and won the battle against cancer! You are a survivor.

People celebrate with you. They smile and say, “Now things can go back to normal. Life can go back to how it used to be before cancer.”

But what if it can’t?

Now that the constant stress, fear, and adrenaline of fight-or-flight have eased, reality starts to settle in. You can finally breathe—but what do you do with that breath?

What do I do with myself now?
How do I make sure this doesn’t happen again?
How do I stop worrying?
How do I stay motivated to keep living healthy when I’m exhausted, mentally and physically?

The side effects don’t disappear with remission. They creep in and interrupt your day without warning. Fatigue. Pain. Brain fog. Emotional overload. You’re trying to move forward, but your body and mind are still catching up.

I’m slowly trying to return to life as it once was—but I’ve come to understand this is my new normal. I’m incredibly grateful to have survived this disease, but the truth is, it’s changed me. There’s no going back. Only forward.

Survivorship isn’t just about celebrating remission. It’s about navigating life after cancer with a quiet, lingering thought: Am I doing enough to make sure it doesn’t come back?

What if another side effect from treatment appears out of nowhere?

What happens if I lose my motivation and don’t feel like pushing myself some days?

This is when survivor’s guilt creeps in. Why am I here when others aren’t? Am I wasting my second chance?

Survivorship is often portrayed as a happy ending, but it’s the beginning of a new chapter that no one quite prepares you for. It’s messy, confusing, and filled with questions. But it’s also brave. Some days, I show up. Some days, my mental and physical state is too much. And some days, I allow myself to rest—even when I don’t have all the answers.

That itself is a kind way to survive.

I used to think surviving meant pushing through, staying strong, always moving forward. But now I understand that surviving also means listening to your body, honoring your limits, and giving yourself grace.

I don’t have everything figured out. I still get scared. I still question whether I’m doing enough.

But I’m still here. Breathing. Learning. Living in the after.

And maybe—just maybe—that’s what survival really looks like.

Photo seen above is taken by Santina Cole