Survivor

My Identity After Cancer

After being diagnosed with cancer and overcoming it, a new label was added to my identity: cancer survivor. While this label carries a positive connotation, it also brings a sense of uncertainty.

I Wish Someone Told Me to Try to Go with the Flow

When I was diagnosed the first time around, back in 2017, I had a pretty idealistic view of how I would navigate chemotherapy. I was convinced I would successfully use the cold cap and keep all of my hair.

if someone told me…

I wish someone told me that survivorship would be the hardest part…
that it’s like a rollercoaster,
except the track changes every time you start the ride again.

A Kinder Way to Life

Cancer, like a death sentence, was pronounced on me at the age of 33. I guess I can be only thankful that I didn’t know I had it until long after my operation was over.

Ode to H.E.R. (Holding Every Reality)

It feels like it took a lifetime to find you… this body of mine. All her shapes, curves, and ombre moods of brown.

I was sort of lost without understanding how powerful you are, so I’ve fought hard for you to stay.

Internal and External Scars

I am two years into cancer
Or rather –
Cancer is two years into me –
and my body is Scarred.
No,
Not just where they sliced open my neck and removed the cancer
(twice).
No,
not just where they implanted a port into the middle of my chest,
just below my once-cushioned
(now-protruding)
collar bone.
No,
Scar tissue is
where my heart is
and
Scar tissue is
where my words are
and
Scar tissue has taken over
the Happiness Center in my brain.

My Dance with Cancer

In 2021 it felt as if my whole world was coming to an end. I had received a phone call from my doctor that no one expects or only sees in movies. She would then go on to explain, as I clung to my railing, that I had what she believed to be a rare form of leukemia, BPDCN.

Cancer Treatment Doesn’t End After Chemotherapy

It was March 3, 2022 and I was checking my online chart to see what was going on with me.

I went through a sonogram, a biopsy, and various other blood tests to check out the large growth on my neck. “The immunophenotypic features of the large, atypical cells are consistent with the diagnosis of classic Hodgkin lymphoma,” the words hit me like a train running me over at 100 miles an hour.

Does Cancer Ever Really Go Away?

That’s a great question. The day I was told “this looks like a malignancy” is far more memorable than the day I was told “your scans and labs are clean, and we shouldn’t need to continue treatment.” During my first visit back to the cancer center for a follow up, I was given the familiar wrist band that all patients receive.

Forever is Daunting

It feels as though the universe has been taunting me since birth. She beckons with whispers of promise, daring me to venture deeper into the vast, abstract abyss of time.