My Ghost Is My Shadow

Ghost.

Noun.

an apparition of a dead person which is believed to appear or become manifest to the living, typically as a nebulous image.

The Pain I Feel

The pain I feel won’t go away
It lingers on day after day.
Treatment comes and goes
But the journey continues to have so many lows.

Today I’m Angry

One year ago today I was diagnosed with Cancer. Freaking cancer. Stage THREE CANCER.

Today I’m angry. Today I’m heartbroken. I’m mad at how my life has changed. How my body and mind are forever different and there are things I still can’t do. I’m mad that I have radiation tattoos that will never go away, a scar where my port was, and an abdominal scar that always looks back at me in the mirror.

Dear Cancer, You Have Awakened Me

Dear Cancer,

You showed up when I least expected it. I suppose that’s how it always goes. I remember the air being sucked from my lungs for a brief minute, then, awkwardly, my mind went still, and I just stared out the window.

“It’s cancer. I’m sorry.”

“It’s cancer. I’m sorry.” I remember things immediately going silent. My brain and everything around me suddenly went dark. Hearing the words “rare and aggressive” and “I’m sorry” are a few things that I do remember.